Exploratory Laparoscopy (Surgery Update)

14 Jun

At the top of this blog I have “My journey with God through breast cancer”.  I’m thinking a better title would be “My journey with God through life”.  Life is hard.  It is very hard sometimes.  But, if you have a relationship with God, the Creator of this world, you know there is hope even in the midst of the struggles.  I’m choosing to grasp onto that hope instead of despair.  I’m choosing to look to my Lord for comfort, healing and wisdom. Kevan and I have been given news we didn’t want to hear.

I had my 10th surgery, 5th laparoscopy last Thursday and I want to provide an update. It was exploratory.  Mostly to see the cysts that I had on my ovaries.  When the doctor did an ultrasound of the left ovary a few months ago he found a large one.  I’ve been having a lot of pain on the left side and I was already blaming it on a cyst before I even got the diagnosis that day.  As many of you know, I’ve been dealing with chronic pain in my back and tailbone area.  It started during my last month of chemo.  I think, due to the timing, I just assumed it was cancer treatment related…or would worry that my cancer returned, but after the surgery this past week…I’m starting to think differently.

Endometriosis Background

I’m about to talk about a very long word called ENDOMETRIOSIS.  Click the link if you want to know more about it.  I have a very long history of endometriosis and pain.  In 1991, at 15 years of age, I had very painful periods and I was told that I “probably had endometriosis” and was put on birth control to try to help with the pain.  It wasn’t until 1998 that it was confirmed.  I couldn’t take the pain any longer and I had my first laparascopy to have it removed.  In 2000, I had another one due to chronic pain.  The doctor told me to have a hysterectomy.  I was unmarried and wanted to children so I researched what to do.  The pain was getting so bad that I contemplated suicide.  I prayed that it would go away, but it was a daily struggle.  I don’t think I’ve told my family this, but I actually packed up my apartment in Chicago so that they wouldn’t be left with having to deal with my things, I wrote goodbye letters to my family and tagged the boxes with who should get my things. Then, I researched how I was going to do it.  I won’t bore you with the details, but while I was researching I ran across an article explaining a new revolutionary surgery for endometriosis patients.  A Dr. Redwine in Bend, Oregon.  I felt hope.  The next day, I contacted them and they informed me how I could apply for the surgery.  I would have to be accepted.  Well, I was accepted, but I would have to pay for everything out of pocket. My insurance would not pay for me to go to a surgeon in Oregon when I lived in Illinois.  I prayed.  The church I went to purchased airline tickets for me and my mother to go.  They also took up an offering and presented me with a $4,000+ check that would help me with the expenses.  Long story short – I went to Bend, Oregon in July 2001 with my mom and grandmother (yes, she came too to support me!) and had the surgery.  The total cost was over $13,000 (not including travel), but over time God helped me (and my future husband) pay it off.  I did not have any more pain.  At least I thought I didn’t have anymore pain.  In August 2012 I started having the chronic pain I now struggle with daily.

In 2013 I had a laparoscopy (my 4th) to see if anything was found that would prevent us from having children.  This was a doctor in Nashville, TN.  He didn’t really explain what he had found.  Some endometriosis, but he didn’t feel that pregnancy was out of the question.  I kept going in and out of menopause that year and he pretty much told me not to come back because he couldn’t help me.  I would not recommend him.

Current Surgery

The pain on my left side was getting unbearable so I made an appointment to have my 5th laparoscopy.  I was dreading it.  I hate surgery.  I hate anesthesia.  I hate the recovery.  The boring days of laying in bed.  Speaking of boring days….I don’t know how people spend all day watching TV.  I am not a TV watcher.  I wasted hours of my life the last few days just trying to find things to watch.  Something I wanted to waste more time out of my life watching.  lol!  I’ve watched a few movies, started reading a book (Nothing is Impossible with God) and I’ve done a lot of Pinterest the last few days.  I can’t take much more of this recuperating.

Anyway, the great news is that there were no cysts.  NO CANCER.  It looked like cysts on the ultrasound, but it was actually endometrioma.  Which is often mistaken for an ovarian cyst.  He staged it as Endometriosis stage 3.  I’ve been this stage before.  I guess I’m glad it is no stage 4.  He told us that he did the dye test to see if my fallopian tubes were open and it failed in both tubes.  Neither tube would result in a successful pregnancy.  I had this dye test back in 2009 and it was successful.  So this was a sad blow.  He went on to explain (and the surgery report also says) that the ovaries were totally adhered to the uterus.  Which means…they were all stuck together.  In 2001 the doctor found that my bladder was adhered to my pelvic wall which was causing all of my back pain.  So, I guess the pain on my left side was caused by these adhesions.  The report also mentions that I have the lesions on my colon.  Specifically, the colon near my tailbone.  Where I have my serious pain all day long.  Sounds like my pain is endometriosis and not anything to do with cancer.  He was able to excise (remove) the endometriosis that was not on the colon and help the adhesions, but it sounds like (from the report) he did not remove them from the colon.  He also mentioned that the endometriosis has caused a “defect” in my colon.  I guess we won’t know more about this until we see him on the 18th.  He has recommended a full hysterectomy and spoke to Kevan privately about the seriousness of it.  Endometriosis is damaging my body and I also have a higher risk of ovarian cancer because I’ve had breast cancer.

Kevan didn’t tell me until a day or so later, but he also informed Kevan that the tissue has been damaged either by chemo or by the endometriosis (his report actually says obliterated) and it will not hold up to a pregnancy.  Most likely, my uterus would rupture and I would die…along with the baby.  As you can imagine this didn’t sit well with Kevan.

We would appreciate your wisdom on what to do next.  Both for if/when I should have a hysterectomy and if/how we should go about having children.  Kevan told me the other day that he is surprised I’m handling this news better than he is.  He, understandably, is sad that God has closed the door to us having children ourselves.  I am very blessed that he has made sure to tell me that he loves me even if I can’t give him his own children.  I am so grateful that his love for me has not wavered.  I have always been open to adoption.  I am not one of those women that have to have their “own” children.  Whatever child(ren) God gives us will be “OUR” children.  So, I am not as devastated.  I just feel like God has closed this door and I have hope that he will open another.  I pray God gives us the wisdom on what to do next.  We want to be parents.

We are going to get a second opinion on the hysterectomy.  I don’t like the idea of it….hate it actually, but I know women go through it every day.  I just didn’t want to be one of them.  It breaks my hear to think of it.  Thanks for reading my blog.  Sorry it was so long this time.  I quit taking the pain meds because they were making me nauseous and hurting my stomach so I can’t blame it on the drugs.  lol!

Like the title of the book I’m reading – the bible says, “nothing is impossible with God“.  I hold onto hope that there is a child for us out there.  Some days it is harder to hope than others (since we are getting so old and decrepit.  Ha!)….but today I choose to hope in the Lord and not grow weary.

endoSource:  http://www.endo-resolved.com

5 Responses to “Exploratory Laparoscopy (Surgery Update)”

  1. Anne Marie Hayes June 14, 2015 at 6:56 pm #

    Jayde….I love you so much. You are the strongest person I know. I believe that God does have a child/children for you and Kevan! I have two friends who had to have hysterectomies in their thirties… Both have said they were scared and sad to have to it but now physically they feel like different people and do not regret it. I will be praying for you and Kevan. I love you!

  2. Gigi Tanksley your Mississippi Cousin June 17, 2015 at 8:01 am #

    Jadye I know my opinion probably won’t carry a lot of weight with you but I wanted to give it anyway.
    I am so thankful to God for the one child he saw fit to bless me with and the man he gave me to help rear that child also.
    Now that said, let me add that for years I struggled with trying to give my husband a child of his own. I had a child but he belonged to someone other than my husband. I felt in my heart that asking this man, who loved my child first and me as an after thought almost, to raise another man’s child as his own and not give him one of his own was unthinkable.
    So began a journey that would take me and my family years to make. I lost child after child, some as early as a few weeks and as long as 4 months. After the first few we cautiously celebrated my pregnancies. Would this be the one that would result in a live birth? Would we make it that far? What could be done differently?
    After the 1st three miscarriages no regular doctor would see me. Their insurance wouldn’t cover me. They delivered children and gave care to the mothers through the pregnancy but not to me. I was what was classified as a high risk pregnancy from the time the test was positive. Each pregnancy ended in heart wrenching sadness as each little heart stopped beating and we lost another child.
    Thirteen pregnancies over a period of 11 years. Thirteen children lost in the twinkling of an eye. Reasons still unknown to this day.
    At first I held firm to my faith and the belief that God loved me and that he would give me a child. Then my faith wavered and I decided God hated me. This was my punishment for the failure of my first relationship and for taking my child away from his father.
    I didn’t believe his father was a fit person to raise a child.
    Many women like myself find themselves in love with someone that it is hard to admit to yourself that just aren’t the person you thought they were. At first you make excuses and then you either join them in the things they do that you know in your heart are wrong or you get away from them and hopefully take your children along to protect them. I chose the 2nd route and took him away where that man would have no influence. I asked for no support of any kind from him because if I had I would have been giving him rights I didn’t want him to have over my child.
    So, by the time my child was 3 months old I had met the local preachers son who fell right in love with my son. We married when he was 9 months old and have been married 34 years this September. I had prayed not for God to send me a man but for God to show me the path of my life. He did! My husband isn’t perfect but neither am I and we manage together day to day with help from God and each other.
    I could write a long story about the miscarriages and the heartache that was ours. The excitement we couldn’t help feeling the first few times a pregnancy test was positive. About how the doctors at the University of Mississippi Medical Center tried to help me have a baby of my own. You wouldn’t believe some of the stuff they tried or had me do. Each new procedure giving me hope that this next time things would work out.
    How a traveling evangelist, David Paul, told me that God would send me a miracle baby. I was pregnant at the time and I believed him completely. How excited I was to hear those words and how I left the service to hurry home and call my husband and tell him the fantastic news that God was going to give us a child. Finally! How full my heart felt with love for God and faith that this man spoke true. That this message was from God as he had told me. I lost that child a few weeks later.
    I could speak of the disappointment when again and again I lost my children. I could be more honest and tell you that my heart hurts still today and aches for their loss. I could say how I had to rally after each and store it away in my heart and keep my tears suppressed and clean house and cook supper or go to my job.
    I could tell you those stories but I won’t.
    I will tell you that I never gave birth to another child.
    I had a hysterectomy at age 34 after finally giving up at age 32 and having my tubes tied.
    I had given up and faltered in my faith in God.
    Have I ever said to you that your faith is what keeps me coming back to read Jadye’s Journey? Not the story of your breast cancer. Not the story of the endometriosis but the fact that you have never taken your eyes off God and given up.
    I have said all this to say don’t waver now. Stay strong in your faith and trust God to provide. Even children!
    If God intends for you to have children he will make a way. He will place them in your hands the same as he placed Moses with the kings daughter.
    All thing do work for the good of those who love the Lord. Could it be that God has something else in store for you and Kevan? Have you thought that not having to worry about a babysitter and who would keep your children might be God’s way of clearing the way for missionary work? Maybe even a shelter for children right here in the states?
    There are many wonderful wonderful things you and Kevan can do.
    Sure there will always be a part of you who wants that child that has you nose and his eyes. But sometimes God has different plans for us. Look at your parents and Amber. Did your Mother and Daddy expect another child to rear? No! Their children were almost grown and away when God dropped that jewel into their laps.
    Whatever you decide to do and however you decide to do it. Stay well and be open to the great possibilities God has for you.
    A couple of quick things….I never had that miracle child……no I didn’t but God gave them to me in the form of my grandchildren. I have two. Pharaoh who is 10 and Egypt who is 9. They fill my heart and my life with newness unlike anything ever before. This past week watching them come in from Vacation Bible School excited and singing the songs they learned and sharing with me the lessons taught and about their projects they did. It made me feel young and yet wise at the same time.
    The second thing I wanted to mention. I had most of one breast removed last fall to get out a lump that kept growing quickly. They said it was benign. But my recent one shows microcalcifications. I am sure you know that is an early sign of breast cancer. I am not troubled or worried because I know that God has this well in hand. Nothing happens he doesn’t allow. We are holding off doing anything about it until we know what the solid mass in my left side is. But whatever it is I sleep easily and trust Him to get me through whatever he has for me.
    I pray that God gives you joy and something to fill your heart. Pray about it and you will see that he does indeed open a window and make a way when a door closes.~G

  3. Patte48 June 17, 2015 at 9:56 pm #

    Wow Gigi. I never knew all that. God bless you Gigi and thank you for your wise words to Jayde. She is truly a gem to us. And Yes, her faith in God’s plan for her and Kevan is very strong. I know one way or another she will have a child. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that and will be praying for you about the current health issues. God will always be by your side. I know that. Love you, Patte Evans, your Michigan cousin. 😘💕

  4. patte48 June 17, 2015 at 10:00 pm #

    Jadie. I love you and so sorry to hear about your feelings while in Chicago. God didn’t save you as a premature little angel when we were given no hope, for you to do that or because he wanted to punish you in anyway. God loves you and I know you know that. I am very excited to see what he has in store for you and Kev. Love you so much. Xoxoxo

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Second Opinion Update | Jayde's Journey - July 3, 2015

    […] my previous post I explained the results of a laparoscopy I had recently.  It wasn’t good news.  My local […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: