Rib Lump

16 May

Last week I helped Kevan with getting our garden ready.  I was using a hoe to break up dirt and rake the grass/weeds out of the garden area.  That night and the next 3 days I had pretty bad muscle pain and spasms.  Sunday night I was still having the pain so while I was taking a bath I was rubbing my chest muscles and noticed that above my breast I had a pretty large painful lump.  I freaked.  This is only one year and 36 days since my original cancer diagnosis and only a little more than 8 months since I finished chemo.  I made Kevan feel it twice and, much like the first time I had a lump, he was not very excited to do so.  lol!  I immediately made an appointment with my breast surgeon Monday morning so he could take a look at it and get his thoughts.  The appointment was made for Thursday morning (today).  This meant that I had to wait 3 days to find out what it “might” be.  It was hard to work, I couldn’t concentrate and my thoughts kept leading me to “what if” scenarios.

Unfortunately, I worried.  A lot.  Kevan walked into the kitchen on Wednesday and said, “Sweetheart, is there something you aren’t telling me?  Are you on strike?”  I’ve been so worried and depressed that I haven’t cooked at all this week or cleaned much.  We’ve eaten out every night and I was too depressed to clean.  So, he figured I was on strike because this isn’t normal for his wife.  I was taking the extra time I had not cleaning/cooking to google all about weird chest lumps and freaking myself out.  I told a few friends so they would pray and mentioned it to my Ladies Bible Study group on Wednesday night.  They were so sweet and prayed a prayer for me right then (which made me cry).  They prayed that it wouldn’t be anything serious and asked God to give me peace if it was cancer again.  Well, last night I actually felt peace.  I thought a lot about Christian women that I knew that had breast cancer that was found in other areas of their body and died young.  Each of them is such a special woman and I knew that God allowed it to happen in order to bring about His ultimate plan somehow.  As scripture says, “all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.  So, I thought, if this was cancer, that I would feel privileged that He felt that I should undergo what these other women did in order to bring about His purpose.  Does that make sense?  Then, I said a prayer for my mom and my husband because I knew that, if it was, it would be so hard on both of them.  It was so hard on them the last time.  They would need special prayer.

When I walked into the doctor’s office this morning I was at peace with whatever was going to happen.  I love my Lord and I know whatever He thinks is best for me….then so be it.  Well, the nurse practitioner came in, I changed into their “fancy” gown (open in the front) and then she did an ultrasound of the lump.  She thought it was really hard and by the end of the ultrasound she was under the impression that it was a rib bone.  lol!  Sometimes after a mastectomy the ribs/muscles can become swollen after starting exercise back up or from heavy lifting.  Well, I’ve been seeing a personal trainer lately to get back in shape so it made total sense.  The doctor was called to take care of something urgent so I wasn’t actually able to see him, but she took some ultrasound pictures and will be showing them to him…then he will call me and talk to me about it.

Here is a pic of me at the doctor’s office in my special gown. lol!

jayde32

I am VERY thankful to God that this is all it is.  I’m grateful to Him for testing my faith with this.  When I look back to Sunday through Thursday I can see my mindset and worry change as I prayed (and others prayed) and I feel this might have been God testing me to see how I would react or showing me that I need to trust Him more.  In the beginning, I don’t think I was passing the test.  lol!  But, after prayer and going over some scripture I at least knew that God was in control of whatever was going to be and that I was okay with it.  I’m also thankful that I had the 3 days to think about it. If there is a next time, I hope I don’t worry and I feel like I did today and not how I did on Sunday night.  Peace.  Psalm 46 peace.  Be still and know that I am God.  IN YOU I REST.  IN YOU I FOUND MY HOPE.  IN YOU I TRUST.  You.never.let.me.go!

Praise God that all seems good still.  Still in remission!!  Listen to this song.  It speaks the joy in my heart tonight.

4 Responses to “Rib Lump”

  1. Michelle Way May 16, 2013 at 11:56 pm #

    You are such an inspiration, Jayde. I was diagnosed with stage I breast cancer on February 11th, three days before my 42nd birthday. Dr. Whitworth (he is so wonderful) performed a double mastectomy and my plastic surgeon put in tissue expanders on March 12th. While I was recovering I found your blog and read it from beginning to end. I felt and still feel such a kinship with you. I look so forward to your posts. I am so thankful your lump is just a rib bone! I think, at least for me, the hardest part about breast cancer is the uncertainty it brings in terms of our future. It’s like a dark cloud that wants to hang out over our heads all day every day. I am struggling to trust the Lord more and more with all of this. It’s a daily battle and some days are harder than others but He is faithful always. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    • jayde0401 May 17, 2013 at 12:03 am #

      Michelle,

      You brought tears to my eyes. I am so thankful I could help you through my blog while you were going through so much. That was the whole purpose of doing my blog and I have prayed about it so much and want it to be comforting for those going through difficult times. Did you know I also went to Dr. Whitworth? I can’t remember if I’ve ever put that on my blog. He is my breast surgeon and who’s office I went to today. 🙂 He really is wonderful. Such a sweet and caring man. Wow, you have tissue expanders right now? I’m so sorry. Haha! It gets better! It really does. I hated them, but by the end I realized that they really did their job and I was thankful for them. I love my implants so much more though. lol! I will be praying for you Michelle. Please keep me updated from time to time and feel free to email me (jayde0401 at yahoo .com) – I typed it out funny so spammers can’t get it.

      Thanks again for posting a comment! You blessed me so much!

      Jayde

      • Michelle Way May 17, 2013 at 12:44 am #

        Jayde,

        Thank you so much for your kind words and support. When I was reading your story back in March I had a gut feeling from the way you described your doctor that it was Dr. Whitworth. It was confirmed in the post your husband made after your surgery and I thought it was so neat. I am beyond grateful that he is my doctor. I just knew I was in the best possible hands. I had the nipple-sparing procedure like you did. And, like you, I had a few scares with my nipples but they both made it! I remember being so happy for you when I read that yours did too! 🙂

        Oh yes, I’ve still got the tissue expanders They really are bizarre lol. I get my last fill on May 29th and one month after that I’ll have my exchange surgery. As much as they annoy me I know they are making it possible for me to get the best results possible in the long run and for that I’m grateful.

        I will be praying for you as well and am here if you ever want to talk. Before I go I want to tell you again how much your blog has meant to me. Reading your story helped restore my faith and hope that I too was going to make it through. God never wastes our pain and I am living proof that He is using your life to bless other women. When I think of you I am reminded of 2 Cor. 1:4: “He comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” You’ll probably never know how many lives you’ve touched by sharing your story. 🙂

        I will keep you posted on my progress.

        Michelle

  2. Patte Evans May 17, 2013 at 1:00 am #

    So proud of my baby girl! And thankful to Jesus for keeping her safe.

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