Archive | May, 2013

Rib Lump

16 May

Last week I helped Kevan with getting our garden ready.  I was using a hoe to break up dirt and rake the grass/weeds out of the garden area.  That night and the next 3 days I had pretty bad muscle pain and spasms.  Sunday night I was still having the pain so while I was taking a bath I was rubbing my chest muscles and noticed that above my breast I had a pretty large painful lump.  I freaked.  This is only one year and 36 days since my original cancer diagnosis and only a little more than 8 months since I finished chemo.  I made Kevan feel it twice and, much like the first time I had a lump, he was not very excited to do so.  lol!  I immediately made an appointment with my breast surgeon Monday morning so he could take a look at it and get his thoughts.  The appointment was made for Thursday morning (today).  This meant that I had to wait 3 days to find out what it “might” be.  It was hard to work, I couldn’t concentrate and my thoughts kept leading me to “what if” scenarios.

Unfortunately, I worried.  A lot.  Kevan walked into the kitchen on Wednesday and said, “Sweetheart, is there something you aren’t telling me?  Are you on strike?”  I’ve been so worried and depressed that I haven’t cooked at all this week or cleaned much.  We’ve eaten out every night and I was too depressed to clean.  So, he figured I was on strike because this isn’t normal for his wife.  I was taking the extra time I had not cleaning/cooking to google all about weird chest lumps and freaking myself out.  I told a few friends so they would pray and mentioned it to my Ladies Bible Study group on Wednesday night.  They were so sweet and prayed a prayer for me right then (which made me cry).  They prayed that it wouldn’t be anything serious and asked God to give me peace if it was cancer again.  Well, last night I actually felt peace.  I thought a lot about Christian women that I knew that had breast cancer that was found in other areas of their body and died young.  Each of them is such a special woman and I knew that God allowed it to happen in order to bring about His ultimate plan somehow.  As scripture says, “all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.  So, I thought, if this was cancer, that I would feel privileged that He felt that I should undergo what these other women did in order to bring about His purpose.  Does that make sense?  Then, I said a prayer for my mom and my husband because I knew that, if it was, it would be so hard on both of them.  It was so hard on them the last time.  They would need special prayer.

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One Year Later – Thank you Lord!

9 May

Last year, on May 8th, I had a double mastectomy.  Last night, I read through a bunch of the posts from that time.  It is so amazing how much my mind has forgotten.  I’m so thankful that I can’t remember the pain that I was in or the nights of sleep that I went without.  The morning of the mastectomy I was all prepared to see what God had planned for me, but I remember once I was at the hospital I started to get scared.  I had to keep stopping to pray for strength and you know what?  God provided it.  I went through one of the most painful things that day too.  I had to get a shot put into both of my N’s.  It WAS HORRIBLE.  I cried.  The sweet nurse held my hand and God got me through it.  That pain was just the beginning of what God was going to show me over and over throughout the journey.  That He would be WITH me.

When I woke up from surgery I couldn’t really see myself, but I imagined I looked pretty bad.  I was a little horrified by the cute intern that stopped by to check on my post-surgery body, but it is a pretty funny story to remember now.  Then, on day 3 when I finally saw myself….I remember MANY weeks of Kevan trying to encourage me and tell me that this was just the transition.  That things would look better one day.  I had my doubts.  I cried so many times.  I had to pray a lot for strength.  I prayed that Kevan would still love me even if I was deformed or always looked like Frankenstein.  My N’s turned black, but you all prayed for me and GOD ANSWERED! He healed them and they work perfectly today.  🙂  Praise the Lord.

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Another post about hair….

7 May

I got it in my head today that I was going to straighten my hair tonight.  I looked at a few hairstyles first and then I had SO MUCH hope that it was going to straighten.  I tried the back first.  This is how it looked AFTER!  Yes, I tried over and over and used my mini straightener.  It CLEARLY did not work.

back

I think the top must be longer because it did okay.  See pic below (I didn’t put makeup on…that probably would’ve improved the look some.  lol!).  Needless to say, I was so hopeful…my bubble burst when it didn’t work…and I burst into tears.  My hormones are crazy right now.  I blame hormones.

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I’m trying to be sooooo patient…but 1/2″ a month…..is WAY TOO SLOW!