Please forgive me.

13 Jan

I received a comment on my last post that has really weighed heavily on me.  Kevan asked me to delete the comment so if you go back to read it, it’s not there.  Basically, the anonymous person feels like I am a very shallow person.  The truth is….I struggle a lot with this blog because I feel like sometimes “it is all about me” and even though that is what the URL is, “Jayde’s Journey”…I want it to be about Him, my Lord and Savior.  Not about me.  I also wanted it to be a place for others who are struggling with cancer to find hope and a few laughs here and there.  

The purpose of this blog from the very beginning was to document my journey through cancer and being sad about my current hair situation is what I am going through currently.  I can’t imagine that I am the only woman that has struggled with post chemo hair, but I also want to ask for forgiveness if it came across as shallow.  I was actually trying to look on the bright side and that is why I posted the pictures of my past hair.  I wanted to show that even though I’m struggling with liking the short post-chemo hair that it isn’t the worst it has ever been.  But, I guess my post came across as shallow.  I’m sorry.
Also, the anonymous commenter couldn’t believe I would post about my hair when there are families that wish their family members were still alive and hadn’t died of cancer…who cares what their hair looks like.  As a cancer survivor, it is hard to understand why God would allow a person like me (with no children) to be healed and go on with their life while there are others who have children and are such wonderful people and they don’t make it through it.  I don’t know why.  I don’t understand it.  I feel bad because I lived through it.  Believe me….I think about this on a regular basis.  But, God doesn’t allow us to trade places.  The only thing I know is that God has a plan.  God allows some to die in order to bring about a greater plan…just like he allows some to live.  I know that may seem odd to some, but I truly believe that even in someone’s death there can be great things that come about from it.  I believe that my life was changed for the good when I lost my grandmother as a teenager because it made me realize that life was precious.  I looked back at her life and realized I wanted to know her God like she knew Him.  I’m not sure I would’ve changed my life around if I hadn’t gone through the pain of losing her.  Of course, I’m not saying that God allowed my grandmother to die so “I” would turn my life around, but it could’ve been one aspect of His plan.  We may never know the reasons.  I just know that God healed me and I am thankful for it.  I understand what He has done for me.  I know that it doesn’t always happen and I pray that I don’t waste this gift.

So, please forgive me for being shallow.  This is a blog about my life with cancer and a part of that right now is the struggle over what to do with post-chemo hair.  It does sound shallow…but I really feel like I’m not the only wife that would struggle with this.  I’m embarrassed for my husband and I am not sure how to love my hair right now.  Instead of beating me up…..maybe you should pray for me.

7 Responses to “Please forgive me.”

  1. Amy January 14, 2013 at 12:06 am #

    Hi Jayde,

    First of all, I don't think I've ever commented here before, but I read your blog faithfully. You're in my reader. 🙂

    Secondly, as a fellow blogger, I know how it is to get comments that are less than appealing. Please know that it's all part of putting yourself out there on the www. I know you're not new to blogging, but I just wanted to remind you that I love your posts, have never been offended by you, and think you have a great story to share!

    Hang in there!

  2. Melissa January 14, 2013 at 1:43 am #

    Amen, to that. You're just being real , and that anonymous poster is probably in a lot of pain. Thankful that you are you and being transparent, even with the “little stuff.”

    Love you!

  3. Anonymous January 14, 2013 at 2:05 am #

    I agree with Melissa – Judy

  4. Willie January 14, 2013 at 3:04 am #

    Sometimes when someone is in pain the only thing that they can think of to do is to strike out at something. That they read your blog says to me that they are searching for something or trying to deal with an issue THEY have. I have read every post and your blog is what you advertised.. “JAYDES Journey”. If it did not document the true emotions, stresses, joys and struggles you were feeling it would not be an accurate account of what you went through. Your journal has blessed far more that it offended. I feel certain that whomever wrote it will feel differently when they take time to reflect on the entire picture. Don't quit.. This journey is not over. It started with despair, traveled through pain and uncertainty, traversed the Valley of the Shadow of Death and just now is stepping into the light of victory. Not a battle won by doctors or medicine but one that brings glory to our Savior, one that was waged by yourself and other warriors on their knees. We will all go home one day, a day and a way of His choosing. Only if this persons loss was of someone they never tried to show the way to salvation should they be sad. If their loss was a believer then the parting is not permanent. God's got this…Satan wants you to quit.. don't.

    Willie Dale

  5. Jayde January 15, 2013 at 1:39 am #

    Thank you Amy. I know that I put myself out there on the www and I shouldn't be surprised. Thank you for your post and thanks for reading my blog. :o)

  6. Deborah February 19, 2013 at 1:39 am #

    Thanks for being honest about EVERY part of cancer, including hair growing back differently and not liking it! It's okay to grieve your old hair. It was very pretty. Your new hair is pretty too. You are TOTALLY allowed to feel whatever you want to feel about it. That person was just plain rude.

    Maybe it's like when I would read moms' complaints about their kids and think, “Seriously?! You are SO lucky to have kids at all!!!” But that doesn't mean that those moms' lives were perfect without trial. I know you understand that too.

    There are other cancer survivors who understand what you're going through and are really happy that you are sharing your feelings. You are blessed to be alive and to have hair growing back, but you are still allowed to be unhappy sometimes. You shouldn't be berated for being real.

  7. pearl November 15, 2013 at 4:31 am #

    I know that this post is super old, but I’m always outraged enough by anonymous commenters gone wild that I have to just say something. you are so pretty, hair long or short, curly or straight. I just found your blog somehow, searching for something that I already can’t remember. my mom is going through her second bout with breast cancer. her first was 2003-2004. she is 70 and the last thing on our minds is how the hair will grow back, or even if it will, but I definitely don’t begrudge you for sharing your personal thoughts and emotions about your own struggles, whether about your hair or anything else. blog on freely, and don’t let anonymous commenters make you self conscious. you seem like a really nice and thoughtful person. cheers. / my mom’s 35 year old daughter

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: