Final Reconstruction Surgery in One Week

28 Nov

A week from today I will be in surgery.  I’ve been looking forward to finally having everything over with, but the last few days I’ve been struggling a little with sadness thinking about it.  So much so that I have been near to crying several times.  I just don’t want to go through surgery again.  I am almost 7 months post-op from the mastectomy.  I’ve gone through so much healing and now I have to go through some of it all over again.  My incisions will be re-opened and it just makes me sad to think about it.  I finally feel so good when I lift things and can do exercises normally again.  I remember the 1st few days/weeks after the mastectomy and how hard it was to do much for myself.  I don’t mind having people help me, but it takes so much energy to get back to normal.  I feel tired already. 

I know that I will be very happy a month from now and very glad I went through it, but on this side of surgery I can only see the hard road ahead.  Of course, I will be soooooooo happy to get rid of these tissue expanders, but it is still a little scary not knowing what it will be like having implants.  I still cry sometimes when I take a bath because I miss my old body.  The one God gave me.  It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was natural and felt normal.  Tissue expanders are SO strange and feel so hard.  Implants also seem so unnatural to me, but hopefully it will be better.  I also miss having feeling in my chest.  It is strange to run my fingernail over the skin and not feel it at all.  Kind of freaky.  I don’t dwell on these things for long because I am thankful that I live in a time where medical procedures are available to me to look normal again and that doctors can repair what’s been lost.  I am thankful.  Very thankful.  But, it still has some sadness to it.

I was talking to Kevan this afternoon about how sad I’ve been about having to have surgery again.  He turned to me and said, “I’m sorry sweetheart that you have to go through this again.  I really am.”  He’s so sweet.  He followed it up by knocking on my breast with his hand and saying, “at least you will be rid of these 1/2 baseballs!”  LOL!  I guess he’s looking forward to it too.   Even he’s tired of the “rocks”.  ;o)

Anyway, one more week. I am coveting any prayers regarding my surgery and my anxiety.  I have also developed allergies or a cold and haven’t been feeling or sleeping well the last few nights.  I’m hoping it doesn’t get worse and I’ve prayed that God would remove these symptoms.  We have some VERY busy days coming (women’s retreat with church and I have to travel to Atlanta for work) before my surgery…so that is adding a bit more stress to my mind. 

I will leave you with a few pics.  The first one is me sitting on my brother’s motorcycle.  I’ve heard rumors that someone said I was riding around Michigan on my new motorcycle…so I thought I better fess up here and say that it isn’t mine at all and it was even OFF when I was sitting on it.  lol!  I just thought the motorcycle would go well with my do-rag on my head so I put my older brother’s leather jacket on and sat on it.  :o)

Here is a current picture of Kevan and I attending a benefit dinner.  I have my wig on, of course, since we are at dinner and I wanted to look nice for my hubby.  :o)

Lastly, here is a picture of me with my immediate family.  I’m the one in the middle that looks like a boy.  Oh, and someone told me they thought I was my nephew when they first saw the picture.  Thanks Marie.  lol!  This should give you an idea of how long my hair is now.

2 Responses to “Final Reconstruction Surgery in One Week”

  1. Anonymous November 28, 2012 at 11:49 pm #

    You are my sweetheart going thru grief (finally) and all this change has had it's impact on you. Not, that you are less of a believer ,or less faithful, just adjusting. Good for you and good for Kevin! It was bound to happen. So much, so fast, and now that health has returned and you have other things to think about rather than Cancer, you are grieving. Let it happen and then march forward saying good riddence to Cancer. THANKS BE TO GOD FOR TODAY! Love you both and thanks for your encouragement -always. Nancy

  2. Anonymous November 30, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

    Jayde, I ABSOLUTELY L O V E your biker chick look–tremendous. You look like you were made to be on that bike!!! You're SO beautiful.

    I will be in prayer regarding the attitude and condition of your “heart” prior to surgery–rebuking any anxious feeling in Jesus' name. I stand in confidence that the procedure will be successful, as will your recovery. It's really comforting to know that you have a live-in, “trained nurse” to take care of you post-op. Look at all Kevan's become proficient at during your last recovery–he'll know what to do this time and be able to follow any new instructions without problem.

    Rich blessings and comfort to you both. Love Joy (and Dante)

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