Top 10 List…

21 May
This is my attempt to do a funny top 10 list of things that will be new experiences after a bilateral (double) mastectomy.  I know that my surgery was serious….but God gave us a sense of humor for a reason.  I’m still in pain, I still can’t look at myself in the mirror just yet (Kevan says things are looking better though!), but I can still laugh at the little things.  So, if you have to have one too, just ask God for strength, ask friends for prayer and laugh as much as you can through the pain.  God is with you and that’s all that matters.
  • The doctor will give you a lovely necklace (lanyard) to hang your drain tubes on.  This will become your new jewelry.  See my pretty necklace and drain tubes below.
  • If you can’t remember something or you fall asleep when someone is talking to you…..you can blame it on the Valium.  I blame the look on my face above….on the Valium.  I think I was in “la la land”.  Wherever that is.
  • When people ask you your prognosis (I don’t know why, but this drives me nuts) you can tell them your dying.  lol!  Cuz aren’t we all?  Of course, I have a good prognosis….but I always feel like the person asking what my prognosis is is secretly hoping I’ll say “soon”.  Now, if you are reading this and you are one of the ones that asked….just know that you ‘urked’ me just a little.  lol!  
  • If you have to have a sentinel node biopsy you are fitted with pretty little arm “fashion” sleeves.  And, if you are like me…and have two biopsies…you get one for both arms.  I’m thinking about getting this one for both arms so I can look like a biker babe, but without the real tattoos.  It will go great with my do-rag on my bald head.
  • You get a doctor’s note that you get to hand to your husband with a big smile on your face that tells him you are not allowed to do household chores!  No vacuuming, no sweeping, no laundry, no emptying the dishwasher and my favorite…..no kitty litter.
  • Your new best friends will be prunes and Senokot.  Believe me!  New…..Best…..Friends!  Narcotics may make you feel real good, but they sure don’t make your intestines work well.
  • Now, after said prunes/Senokot take effect everyone in your household will ask you “how’d it go?” when you leave the restroom and when you finally have good news….you will all have a mini-celebration.  At no other time would this be okay.  Seriously. 
  • You get to use your “cancer card”.  So, if you want something really bad…like say a Kindle Fire….and your hubby isn’t falling for it.  Just say, “But, I have cancer and I just had my boobies removed.”  It will work every time.  They will probably even have it over-nighted UPS. 
  • You get to lay and contemplate your life for a REALLY long time if there is no one around to help you up.  See my previous post.
  • And my absolute favorite.  Because you can’t wear deodorant for 3 weeks, by the end of each day you will smell like a freshly mowed lawn that contains a field of wild onions (this is a quote directly from my husband.  lol!).

4 Responses to “Top 10 List…”

  1. Anonymous May 21, 2012 at 7:36 pm #

    Jayde, this was HILARIOUS!!! The only thing I'm having trouble picturing (or smelling, should I say)is the "freshly mowed lawn that contains a field of wild onions" slant. For some reason I just can't put that together and conjure up a "smell". I guess you had to be there!! Thanks SO much for this. Love, JOY

  2. Anonymous May 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

    Jadie – Your Dad almost broke a rib laughing at this – after just spending 3 weeks going through this with you, we can relate to all of the above. God Bless Your Heart Jayde – You are one in a million!!! Mom

  3. Jackie Colorigh May 21, 2012 at 10:50 pm #

    Jayde, you totally had me laughing my head off while reading your post!!! Your top 10 list was truly the highlight of my day!!! I am in awe at your positive attitude!! It is nothing short of a miracle how well you are doing. God has answered so many prayers and Tommy and I continue to pray for your continued healing. Tell Kevan we said "hello" and if he forgets you on the couch again the next batch of lasagna is all for you. Take care and we love you lots!!Jackie

  4. Nancy Farrell May 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm #

    Perhaps the GREAT PHYSICIAN really IS using humor as one of the best medicines!Thanks Jayde, you had me in stitches….Just like you! xoxN

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