You Have Cancer

9 Apr
“You have cancer”.  Three words I thought I would never hear.  Maybe when I am old and gray, but not while I’m in my 30’s.  I have breast cancer.  Typing the words even seems strange to me.  Hearing Kevan say, “my wife has cancer.” makes me think he is talking about someone else.  But, he isn’t.  He’s talking about me.  One of the worries when I found out was that someone might be hurt because I forgot to tell them before it came out on Facebook.  If you are one of those people please forgive me.  It wasn’t on purpose.  I have a lot in my head right now.  This blog will now serve as the tool to let everyone know how I am doing.  Kevan is going to update it when I can’t or when I don’t feel like it and he is also going to do a few posts so he can journal a bit on how he feels as well so that if someone else goes through this in the future there is a “husband” perspective.

I do not know the extent of the cancer yet.  So, until I do I will give everyone a little background on the last few months.  In October I felt a lump in  my breast while I was taking a bath.  Of course, it freaked me out a little, but it was so tiny I had a hard time finding it each time.  I made an appointment with my gynecologist and then beat myself up about why I was even going when I couldn’t even find the lump half the time I looked for it.  I went to my appointment (10/28) and she told me that she couldn’t feel it, but that she would request an ultrasound just to ease my worry.  I had the ultrasound on 11/1 and the results came back that it was “fatty tissue” and that it was benign.  Nothing to worry about.

Below is a picture of my ultrasound.  I always requests any films or test results for my own personal archive.  I like to see/read what they receive.  When I Google “breast cancer” my lump doesn’t look anything like what Google images showed me as malignant lumps.  So, I thought that was great.

I still didn’t feel right about it still so she ordered a mammogram on 11/17.  I had the mammogram and it didn’t show anything abnormal.  It was my very first mammogram.  It will be fine with me if I NEVER have one again.  lol!  It was not fun.  If you are a man….thank God right now that you don’t have to have mammograms.  ;o)

By January, I knew that the lump had increased in size.  I could find the lump easily and it also “tingled” so it wasn’t hard to locate.  In my mind I associated the “tingle” with it growing…so it freaked me out.  Of course, I don’t know if that is true.  If I pressed on it, it hurt.  Everyone (and Google) told me that cancer doesn’t hurt so that is a great sign.  I felt like I was making a big deal out of nothing so I waited until I felt like it had doubled in size before I called the doctor.  I had another ultrasound on 2/23 and it revealed again that there was nothing to worry about.  Even though the images showed a larger mass of 2.41cm the radiologist noted in her comments that it “had not changed since the last ultrasound”.

All is well, right?  No.  I wasn’t happy.  I wanted this “thing” out of my body.  Kevan wanted it out too just so I would quit making him feel it and so I would stop talking about it.  lol!  I waited another month while I tried to decide if I was crazy and should let it go or if I really should have it removed.  I spoke with my mother-in-law and she recommended I talk to her surgeon.  She has survived cancer twice and is an inspiration to me.  I love my mother-in-law!  She is such a blessing to me.  I saw the surgeon on 3/29.  He is one of the top oncological surgeons in Tennessee.  My mother-in-law went with me because Kevan wasn’t able to due to his work schedule.  The doctor did his own ultrasound and confirmed it was “fatty tissue” (or lipoma) and said he was 99% sure it was benign.  Nothing to worry about.  But, he did want to remove it and do a biopsy.  I had my lumpectomy/biopsy on 4/3.  2 days after my 36th birthday.  Kevan and I went back on 4/6 for my follow-up.  On the way there Kevan asked me if I was worried.  I told him I wasn’t worried AT ALL.  Everyone that saw the ultrasound told me it was nothing to be concerned about.  I believed them.  Kevan told me later that day that he WAS worried.  He said he just didn’t feel right about it.

As soon as the doctor walked into the room I knew something was wrong.  He had tears in his eyes.  This actually meant a lot to me.  He does this every day.  He has to tell women (and sometimes men) that they have breast cancer and he isn’t immune to it.  It still makes him sad to have to reveal the news.  He said that he couldn’t believe it when he read the biopsy results.  He called the lab to make sure it wasn’t a mistake and even met with some other medical professionals to go over the findings.  He said it was a very “unique” case.  Yes, well….God made me very unique.  lol!

The doctor wasn’t in a hurry.  He sat down and answered all of our questions and even gave me his cell number in case I forgot to ask something or I wanted to talk to him.  What doctor would give his patient his cell number??

We are waiting on several tests to find out what type of cancer, what stage, etc.  I will update this blog as I find out.  I know with all of my heart that God is with me.  I’m not alone in this.  He is my comforter and my healer.  I am not sorry this is happening.  God has given me this as a plan for my life.  He orchestrates all things, including cancer.  If I believed that God was not in this I wouldn’t have the strength to get through it.  But, I know He is here with me.  He is the Creator of ALL THINGS.  I love Him.

I also know that I have the best husband.  He has been so supportive.  He stops to give me hugs and tell me he is sorry.  He helped me take a bath and wash my hair last week when I had the lumpectomy and couldn’t get my incision wet or raise my arm.  I love him so much and he is such a blessing to me.  I wouldn’t want to go through this without him.  I love you Kev.  You are my best friend.

I have an awesome family and in-laws who I know will also be supporting me through this.  It seems that they are taking it harder than I am, but that is probably normal…I don’t know.  I also have TWO wonderful church families who have loved on me the last few days.  I’ve had several friends ask me what they can do.  Right now, instead of telling me you are sorry just tell me that you will pray for me.  Don’t just say it, but DO IT.  Even if you only remember to pray once.  Pray at the time you tell me you will pray.  If you put it off you might forget.  Also, if you are a friend that jokes with me and laughs with me (or even pokes fun at me) please don’t stop.  That is why I love you.  I know that cancer is serious, but please don’t look at me and pity me.  Just continue to laugh with me and make me smile.  I will need lots of laughter.

My prayer right now is that the cancer has not spread.  Please pray that I do not have lymph node involvement and that it is no where else except the breast.  Also, I will be having surgery in 3-4 weeks.  Most likely it will be a double mastectomy, but Kevan and I are thinking about my options still and will be meeting with the plastic surgeon next week to discuss everything.  So, please pray that we make the right decision regarding my surgery and treatment.  It is a huge decision and a little scary.  I HATE going under anesthesia.  Ugh!  Not again.

Lastly, I am so thankful that God chose Good Friday to reveal this to me.  It is a reminder of how much He loves me!  He died for me and suffered for me so that I may have eternal life with Him.  He has forgiven me for my sins and through his blood I am restored.  Praise God!

25 Responses to “You Have Cancer”

  1. Doug Curtin April 9, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

    We love you guys and have and will pray for you. Your strength and courage encourages us knowing a little about the challenge ahead of you guys.We look forward to hearing how things progress and will keep praying for you both! Continue to share your struggles and your successes who knows how He will use you.Let us know if there is anything we can do. In Christ,Doug Curtin

  2. Ankita April 9, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    Thanks for sharing everything with us.. I salute your strength & nerve to deal with such a situation so steadily, this is what it takes to defeat a malady.You'll always be in my thoughts and prayers."May your family and friends bring you strength, comfort, and support to get well soon!Hoping to hear more from you!!Ankita

  3. Tiffany @ The Harris Life April 9, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    I have been praying and will continue to do so. Your faith and attitude is such a blessing to me and will be an encouragement to others. We have our church family praying for you as well! Tiffany

  4. Mrs. T. April 9, 2012 at 4:25 pm #

    Thanks for letting us know. I had no idea. I went through all the procedures just before Christmas myself and now am in the "watch it" phase until my annual mammogram in Dec. I will be praying for you Jayde (and Kevan).

  5. gargi April 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm #

    You are such an inspiration!!GOD is and will always be with you.I know you are going to get 100% fine..You are a wonder woman:) am sure this blog will be helping someone else too..I will be praying for you..Gargi

  6. Damian (and Marian) April 9, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

    Hey Jayde, this is just craziness. I truly believe in Ephesians 3:20-21, as God can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine according to his glory. I hope the recovery path is short, and you'll have a testimony similar to your mother-in-law. You KNOW we have prayed for you and will continue to pray for you. Every night, Lillian and I pray for Michele R., and we'll add you to our prayer requests! Please do keep us posted, Jayde. Hugs to you and Kevan.- Marian

  7. Michele Reynolds April 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    Jayde, I am praying that God's great love, amazing mercy, and perfect plan is made clear to you. Much love and prayer, Michele

  8. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:45 am #

    Thank you Doug. Kevan and I really miss you and Melissa. I wish we could get together for dinner or hang out sometimes. We could help each other out with DIY projects. Thank you for your kind words.

  9. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:48 am #

    Ankita, You are so sweet. It really was hard for me to tell you all today knowing that I wouldn't be working with you every day for awhile. I will miss you, but I'm sure we will keep up on Facebook. Thank you for your special thoughts and prayers. I wish we lived closer (instead of across the world from each other)…I'd give you a big hug!

  10. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:49 am #

    Thank you Tiffany. I'm glad God has brought you and I together through Facebook. Long lost cousins! It is so special. God healed Ryder when we were all praying so hard for her and I know God can heal me too. Your girls are the cutest! I love reading about them and seeing their smiling (and sometimes goofy) faces. :o)

  11. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:50 am #

    Thank you for your prayers Tonya.

  12. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:51 am #

    Thank you Gargi. I appreciate your prayers. Wish we could meet in person!

  13. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:52 am #

    Thank you Marian. I miss working with you. You are so smart and funny too…I miss that. I hope the recover time is short too and thank you for your prayers.

  14. Jayde April 10, 2012 at 1:53 am #

    Thank you Michele. You are a wonderful friend. Praise God that He has taken you through the same journey and healed you. You are my inspiration!

  15. Anonymous April 10, 2012 at 4:19 am #

    Jayde, Michele just told me yesterday. I was thinking about you and praying for you today. Thanks for sharing in this blog. It is encouraging for us to see how God is working in your life.Wendi

  16. Anonymous April 10, 2012 at 4:54 am #

    Dear Jayde,I promise you that you crossed my mind last week. It is so true that when one member of the body hurts, we all do. Thinking of you.Liz

  17. Anonymous April 10, 2012 at 10:25 am #

    Dear Jayde,I attend IBC. My father has pancreatic cancer. Recently someone from church suggested I read this book. A cancer Battle Plan Sourcebook by David Frahm. His wife had late stage breast cancer and used juicing and diet etc to get rid of her cancer after all other options failed.My friend also is cancer free at this time after following this book. She chose not to do chemo. I will pray for you and your husband and your many decisions.Marie

  18. Jayde April 11, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    Marie,Thank you for the book suggestion. Everyone that knows me knows I love to read. I will definitely be looking into it. Thank you!Jayde

  19. Jayde April 11, 2012 at 9:29 am #

    Thank you Liz. That is very sweet of you.

  20. Jayde April 11, 2012 at 9:31 am #

    Hi Wendi,Thank you for your message! I think about all the wonderful ladies at IBC from time to time and you are always one of them. I hope you are doing well. It is great to hear from you. Thank you for your prayers! I really appreciate you taking the time to pray. Give Michele a hug from me please. She has been a great encouragement and a great friend to me.Jayde

  21. Anonymous April 11, 2012 at 3:08 pm #

    Jayde,You don't know me but you know a friend of mine, Dorothy, from Gastonia. She posted this for me to read and I can't tell you how touched I was. You are such a brave and beautiful young lady. It sounds like you have a wonderful husband and he is behind you to help in any way he can. Keep the Faith and know that you are in my Prayers.Marilyn from Gastonia NC

  22. April Lynn Spragins June 19, 2012 at 12:22 am #

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  23. April Lynn Spragins June 19, 2012 at 12:39 am #

    God led me to you today. I too am 36, until August 2012.My story started with a strange abdominal (gasteric) paralysis of sorts at the end of April 2012, led to a week stay at Norton here in KY. God is good, I knew something else was going on. I became aware of some odd & new changes that my right breast began to show, a divet/bruise on top of it. I found what felt like small mass with peebles in my right breast,and a couple small, hard to find under my armpit. I felt I was just 'overreacting', dismissed it as usueless worry. A week went by & I felt the need to feel if it was still there. It was, now easier to find and now another within close proximity. I decided to see a nurse practitioner; she called it 'a cluster'. What is a cluster? came to mind, several starting to connect apparently. This led to a mammogram at James Graham Brown Cancer Center. Still thinking it would be something like Fibrosystic breast disease, multiple pictures were taken which led to ultrasound following. Doctor decided an MRI would be necessary, now worry sets in. Our family insurance plan does not start until July, so all test & visits have been 'out of pocket'. We are not wealthy, my husband is a Police Officer/Coast Guard Reservist; I left my financial mgmt. position in Dec. Now, I WAIT for this MRI, that will reveal how bad & the possible dropping of the 'C' word. Changes are becoming more obvious. Deep down I have these knowing, yet peaceful feeling. Like you, I know with God all things are possible, & he has a plan for this or me amidst it. The waiting is the hardest part; You said it best, "I want this thing out" regardless. I am glad God led me to you, the feeling of being alone is the hardest part, especially since when we think of breast cancer, we think of it as a 'someone else disease'. I just need to know, even though, almost certain. July 1st can't come soon enough. The emotional rollercoaster of a 'take action' kind of attitude followed by 'this can really be it' begin to wear one down. You DO NOT walk alone, that is what God showed me, by leading me to your blog. You are so brave to share & embrace others. He IS using you to reach others; God sent you to me today. With Great Love,April in KY

  24. Jayde June 19, 2012 at 1:08 am #

    April,Thank you for the post. I am so glad that my blog was an encouragement to you. I will be praying for you and praying that it will be good news and that you won't hear the "C" word like I did. I know what it is like to wonder and worry. This journey is hard and I don't want anyone to have to endure it. But, if you do hear the "C" word I know that you know God is with you and that is all that matters. It is a great gift to know that God brought you to my site today. That is the purpose of this site. To help encourage others. God Bless you April! Praying for good news for you!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Love of Good Friday | Jayde's Journey - April 3, 2015

    […] how much he would be there for me through everything. It was on Good Friday 3 years ago that I was told I had cancer. I felt at that moment that God chose that day for a reason. It gave me so much peace. He was […]

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